Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Wordless Wednesday #6

Hey Folks!!  With the new job, family visits and 3am feedings, life has been insane the past month, so I apologize for not updating the blog lately.  I promise to get up a post really, really soon!  I have experienced some great things over the past 3 weeks with are little girl. 

I love being a Dad.  Its has been an unbelievable experience so far.  

I appreciate very much all of you that have come back hoping to find a new blog post.   But, for now, I will leave you with a few recent pictures I have taken of Harper.  Enjoy and let me know what you think of my photography skills!!


Saturday, August 27, 2011

Harper Is Here!!

Harper Quinn.
Born August 20th, 2011 weighing 7.7 lbs and 20.5 inches long   

So now that things are finally starting to calm down around the house, I've caught up on a little sleep (sortof...), and family is gone, its time to update the blog.

On August 20th, 2011, my wife and I welcomed our first child, Harper Quinn into this world.  We are unbelievably in LOVE with our baby girl, and we are amazed at how fast she is already changing!!

From the time we found out we were pregnant, my wife knew that she wanted to have a natural birth.  We signed up for Bradley Method birth classes, read many books about it, and ask a few friends that had one themselves.

But... Sometimes things don't go has planned, and Harper's birth story was no exception.

I want to tell the story in 3 separate post and give the details (include the now infamous exorcist moment) as well as I can remember.  But, right now, we are just glad to be home and resting with our perfect little girl.

A while ago, I wrote a post about how crazy my schedule was going to become when Harper arrived.  Check out my checklist for the coming months and tell me how in the world I can survive it.  Should I start drinking coffee?

Daddy survived sleeping on the crappiest, most uncomfortable, back-braking fold out bed for 5 days.

Daddy survived taking a shower in a area only made for a contortionist.

And Daddy survived being worried that baby hadn't pooped in 2 days.  (Now she is a poop factory!!)

Sorry it took me so long to update the blog, but the last few weeks were a little crazy around here.  In the first part of Harper's birth story, you will here how it all started, how our diaper bag was the talk of the hospital, and how Daddy's obsession with photos got him in trouble.

So, I'm off to figure out how to handle Daddy duties while teaching my first college class, and finishing my doctoral degree.

Daddy's in LOVE...

Seriously, Dad you need to shave.


If you haven't yet joined Daddy Dynamics on Twitter or Facebook, come hang out and maybe teach me a few things...

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Baby Waiting List Sucks

OK.  OK.


You can't snuggle your wife in bed anymore.  (THIS REALLY ISN'T COOL)


But the thing that bothers you the most, is being placed on the Baby Time.

What is Baby Time?

Well, when you have decided to have a completely "natural" birth, like us, you get placed on a waiting list.  (I thought I was done with waiting list after 11 years of college, but my daughter has decided to make sure I get on another before I graduate.)

It sucks.  I didn't like them in college, and I really HATE this one.  

The big due date for us is this Thursday, August 18th.  So ANY DAY NOW we could meet our daughter.  

This may very well be the last post before she is here, and I had to force this post out of me, because I've honestly just ran out of ideas to post about until she gets here.  So hopefully this weeks Wordless Wednesday post will be the first pics of our little girl??

So can I ask all of my fellow parents and daddy bloggers a favor?  Do a rain dance, post me a tip or give me a suggestion on how I can make her come any faster.

I will leave you until then with a couple of pictures I've taken over the past couple of weeks, because photography has become another way for me to make time pass by until she gets here.

Until then!!


Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Top 5 Signs Your Wife Is About To Go Into Labor (Or You Pray To God She Does Real Soon...)

That's it.

I've waited long enough.

The way my wife waddles around the house like a penguin, the lack of any speck of dust in our house, and the number of trips I've taken to Goodwill this summer, tells me its time for this little girl to get here already.

There are many things I've experienced in these final days while waiting for the baby to get here.

So I've compiled these 5 signs that any new expecting dad can use to tell if their wife is ready to go into labor.

When you recognize these signs, there is absolutely no doubt that you are mere moments away from the birth of your child.

You HAVE to be, right??


Copy them down.

Make them refrigerator art.

Put them in your wallet.

Share them with your friends.   


So here they are...

You have impromptu "hardcore" housecleaning sessions at 10:30pm, because the thought of having a dirty house, while she is in the hospital, drives her literally insane.

She doesn't let you snuggle in bed anymore, because the thought of your leg, arm, finger, or hair follicle touching her while she sleeps, makes her want to murder you, while you are sleeping like a baby beside her.

You have to pick-up after yourself every single night before coming to bed, because (refer to #1...)

You've "Nested" to the point that your house could be host to the National Bald Eagle Convention for the next 3 years.

The thought of having your parents and in-laws come and cook you enough food for 3 months, so you don't have too, is beyond glorious.


I mean, I'm no expert on this.  This is going to be our first child, so I have no other reference.

But, this HAS to be true.  HAS TO BE.  

So, you other dads out there, let me know if I'm right.  Tell me your story, because I need to know how much longer I have to clean, nest, hang things on the wall, go to Goodwill, and just dream about the first time my kid smiles at me.  

I've dreamed about it for years.

I just literally can't stand it anymore!!  



Thursday, August 4, 2011

The "Us" Factor

Look at that Mexican mustache!!

At any moment in the next few weeks, my wife and I will no longer be just "us."  We've been a couple for 10 years and married for 8.  So the thought of adding another person to our dynamic, I have to admit, is gonna feel a little weird at first.

We met at probably the most unlikely place dudes go to pick up chicks.  I was the nerdy looking guy with glasses hanging up Hot Wheels on the shelf in the toy department, while she was selling jewelry to the busted looking mommas trying to impress that guy at the local bar.

You guessed it...  The hottest chicks hang out in the jewelry department at Wal-Mart.



Well, the rest did take care of itself.

10 years later, here we are waiting for the arrival of our first child.  For 10 years it been just "us."  We added 3 dogs along the way, but until now, its been just the two of us living our selfish little lives.

We knew that kids would, at some point, be apart of our lives, but we wanted to have time to be "us."  We admitted to ourselves that we were too selfish to have kids.  We went through plenty of back-n-forth moments of "let's try for a kid now" or "well... lets wait."  But now, our selfish moments are completely gone.

Eat your heart out Bill Compton and Sookie Stackhouse.

In the past 10 years, we've had plenty of moments to be "us."  We've done some awesome things together. Plenty of trips to great places in the states.

We've road tripped it to Georgia for some family time in a cabin.

Been to the southern tip of the US to Miami, Florida.

Canoed the Spring River in Arkansas.

Seen plenty of kick a$$ rock concerts together.

We've been to New York City...

And to Las Vegas...

Me and "Lucille"
A bong's worth of tequila and fruity goodness.
Try drinking this and walking from the Mirage to the Mandalay without peeing...

This picture cost me $5.
Storm Troopers are feeling the financial crisis too, I guess. 

Hey...  were are all the pics of my wife in Vegas??

We love to just be plain goofy and weird together.

And now we live here, ready to start our family and start a new journey as the Miller family.
Louisville, KY Skyline
Taken by me on July 14th, 2011

Our fun times as "us" have been a blast, but we are so ready to complete our family and bring our daughter inside our dynamic duo.

We will never stop being us, and we look forward to the trips to Disney World, the zoo, the lake, birthday parties, family time and all the other fun stuff.

We have been trying to soak up these last few days of being able to walk around our house in our undies, watching all the "grown-up" shows on TV, going to bed when we want too, sleeping in on the weekend, eating out, going to the movies, and being lazy.

It still really hard for me to comprehend that we created the perfect mix of "us."  I mean she growing inside my wife's belly right now.

A real, true life, little Miller baby is about to show herself to the world any day now!!

Will she have my wife's nose?  My ears?  Blonde hair or brown hair?  Will she be a comedian, a writer, or a musician?

Its just daddy, mommy, your 3 dogs and your baby room, waiting for you to arrive.

Only one thing missing from this photo.  

Your family is ready for you Harper.  Come join the crazy and goofy family that is US!!!!

If you ever experienced this feeling before, I would love to hear your story in the comment section below!


Have your joined the craziness here at Daddy Dynamics yet?  I would love to have you tag along on our wild journey!  Connect on Facebook and Twitter.

COMING SOON:  A cross-promotion post, including complete baby room photos, and links to where you can find the stuff!

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Gummy Bear That Changed My Life Forever

I've been a little emotional lately.  I'll admit, I'm that guy that cried at end of Marley and Me.  I teared up when Goose died in Top Gun.  I cried during The Blind Side, Rudy, and I even cried when Teddy Duchamp, from Stand By Me, talks about his father storming the beaches of Normandy.

I am definitely an emotional dude, and I'm not afraid to show it.

But here lately, I'm emotional for a much different reason.

Fridays are my day to let it all out...  I'm off work, I can walk around the house in my boxers all day, I can stay in the AC all day, and I can cry like a baby all day if I want too, and no one has to see it.

It's become my favorite day of the week for many reasons.

It was Friday, December 10th, 2010, that my wife called me at 6:15am, while I was 100 miles away all week at school prepping for a huge exam, to tell me she was pregnant with our first child. 

The proof is in the pee.

This picture makes me cry and laugh, because I made my wife go buy the preggy test that had the words on it, because, even though she showed me the other 4 (with the double lines), this guy needed the hardcore proof.

I needed a WORD not a LINE.  Words speak louder than lines for me.

It was Friday, January 14th, 2011 when I heard our child's heartbeat for the first time.

I put together this little sample I recorded that day, so I could cherish that moment forever.  

Before we found out the sex of the baby, we chose a little pet name for it.  My wife loved the little Monchhichi pets when she was little, so we called our child "Monchhichi" for a while until the name evolved into "Cheech".  

Sorry for the "is" instead of "are" mistake at the beginning.  I did this really quickly, while trying not to lose it...

Here's a little video I sent to my wife one day.  (It was the first time, her "Monchichi" said hello to her.)

Yeah, we are weird, we know...

It was Friday, January 14th when I saw this gummy bear that changed my life forever. 

It's cute, right?

I've seen some beautiful things in my life, but this little Gummy Bear tops it all for me.  Who knew seeing a picture of a Gummy Bear could make a grown man cry, down right bawl really..., in a small room in a doctor's office.

From this moment on, Fridays would be Daddy's day and Cheech's day.  It's the day we connect and start bonding, even though she isn't here yet.

Most of our midwife appointments have been on Fridays.

I clean the house and continue working in the baby room on Fridays.

I read the new baby magazine on Friday.  And today...

I'm blogging on a Friday, about how a Gummy Bear changed my life forever.

A few emotional words for my daughter... 
(God, I'm crying for like the 3rd time already) 

As I write this today, I have teared up more than once thinking about how much more your mommy and could love this gummy bear more than we do right now.

We have about 4 weeks until your mommy is full term, and we are both antsy, crawling out of our skin, nesting, preparing, and just waiting for when you arrive.

You will be the most loved gummy bear that ever existed, and we both promise to try our best to be the greatest parents God could ever make.  We can't wait to see your face, little hands and feet, and to hear you cry for the first time.

Your daddy is a crier, so I will be right there bawling my eyes out as soon as you see us for the first time.

We truly can't wait for you to meet your sisters and brother (dogs..) Brady, Ellie and Sophie, your Mimi and Papi, Yaya and Papa, and aunts and uncles.  Your family has waited so long to meet you, and we all promise to do everything in our existence to raise you to be a beautiful women someday.

We love you so much Harper.


Your Daddy

(Now to go cry some more...)  

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Was I Invited To The 2010 Thanksgiving Baby-Making Party, And Didn't Know It?

Something really strange is happening around me.  The more I begin to network with new Dads, friends, and parents in the blogosphere, around the city, and in my own neighborhood, I've come to the conclusion that last year's turkeys had some "good sperm" genes in them, or something.

In our Bradley classes, 3 out of the 4 couples (including us), are all due on the EXACT same day.  August 18, 2011.  I just ran across another fellow dad blogger today, that is gonna be a "first-timer" in August too.  My wife's best friend, who lives 3 houses down from us... also due on August 18th.

If you count back, that makes the Baby-Making Party, somewhere around Thanksgiving of 2010.  I guess that thing in turkey that makes you sleepy, had the opposite effect on me and other "wild dudes" that night.  No...

We didn't want to sleep after filling our guts with mashed potatoes, ham, turkey, corn and green beans.

Our party didn't stop when every one left the house after our good social family reunion.

You could say our party actually "started" when Mom, Dad, Grandma and our 3rd cousin left the house.  :)

It was time to join the baby-making parade and work off those 6000 calories we just devoured in front of our closest peeps.  We came to the party without an invitation, and walked out with a new perspective on life...

The last time that happened to me was when I, along with a few friends, walked into a Sigma Pi party in college.  We were Sophomores, who thought we had experienced true "drunken" paradise.  Our new perspective?  We couldn't hang with the "big boys," so we didn't last long and left pretty quickly.

But now, fellow dads, we can know that our little party last year, was the coolest party we have ever been too.

It was a party that changed our life forever.  One that will go down in the history books.

No Budweiser needed to know that you actually populated the Earth with someone that will look like you, talk like you, and might even grow up to be even "cooler" than you.  (Admit it, its probably gonna happen.)

So, Here's to you fellow August 2011 new Dad...  Here's to you buddy...

I raise my glass to what God put us on Earth to do.  Eat a little turkey and make a few babies.  We can now say we are good at both.  (I never add my doubts about the first one, but the second...)

The wife and I live in Bourbon Country USA, so life around here, now always includes a little Woodford Reserve, Maker's Mark, and Buffalo Trace when celebration time rolls around.  So I want to share a great Bourbon Turkey recipe that I made before last year's party.

I will suggest not using your best bourbon like I did.  I'm kindof pissed now knowing I used half a bottle of Woodford for this at the time.  (My wife was too...)

Here's some pics of me making it.  Super easy and pretty damn good too.

The essentials

Cheese cloth to soak up the bourbon

Take a sip first... or 2 or 3.

Oh you can already taste it, can't you?

Soak it up.  Take another drink from the bottle.

Loosen the skin so you can help it absorb the seasonings.

My seasoning concoction.  Lots of rosemary!!! 

Wrap the turkey in the cheese cloth and let it soak for 24 hours, then take it off and put the cloth inside  the turkey while you cook it in the oven.

I couldn't find the finished product picture, so as soon as I do, I will post it.

UPDATE!!!  I found the final picture.  

Enjoy fellas...  Comment below, if you were at the Baby-Making Party, or if you have tried this recipe before.  I'm a guy that loves to cook, and would love to hear your favorite BBQ recipe or any other food you like.


Saturday, July 16, 2011

Video Update #1: You All Are Awesome!!

I've got alot of post ideas coming soon and tried to get one up by yesterday, but they are still a little hairy...  So here's a quick video I shot today just to update everyone on the blog, baby, and how much I love you!

Thanks so much for actually reading my post.

Daddy Dynamics has only been live for about a month and I feel the love around me...

***In my best Elton John voice***  "Caaaaannnn you feeeeellll the looove tonight?"  (I DO, I DO!!)

Here's a little proof that someone other than my wife actually love me.

Twitter Followers:  145
Facebook Fans:  17
Google +  Fans  (or Fellow Dad Bloggers Following Me) : 34
Blog Followers : 10
BabyCenter Fans:  (too many to count, apparently... but I know your reading and I thank you very much.)

Hey look!  I'm wearing my seatbelt!

Seriously...  You guys and gals are amazing.

Please tag along and press those buttons!  I LOVE YOU ALL, SO LOVE ME BACK!!


TWITTER:  @daddydynamics






Monday, July 11, 2011

If You're Trendy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands...

Apparently, the wife and I are cooler than we thought...

We have an iMac, iPhones and iPods.

We buy vintage things.*

We love independent films.

We buy our veggies at the farmer's market.

We named our daughter Harper.

Wait...?  What?  How does our daughter's name make us cool?   Well, today Victoria Beckam (Posh Spice to you Gen X'ers out there) released the name of her first daughter and guess what it was?

Here's a picture for all of you not up on pop culture.

Harper Seven Beckham.  Why not Harper Eight Beckham?  Or Harper Sixteen Beckham?  Lucky number Seven I guess.

We published the name of our daughter about 3 months ago, so our friends have known for a while now what our first child's name was.  Harper Quinn has a much better ring to it than Harper Seven.  Well... we think so.

I do have to be honest here.  We aren't really trendsetters.  We do all the things mentioned above because we simply like to do them.  We named our daughter Harper Quinn because we thought it was unique, not because we wanted to start a trend.

So, are we upset a little when we heard this news?  Of course we are, because if you know anything about the Beckham's or any other celebrity our there, they influence the world in a ridiculous way - hairstyles, baby names, and meat dresses alike.

So now I guess this dad will have to live knowing that my daughter will most likely have a few other kids in her first grade class named Harper.  Thanks alot Posh Spice.  Really, thanks alot.

*Stay tuned for a future cross-promotion blog on our vintage buying addiction.


Friday, July 1, 2011

So to Finishing That Music Degree...

I've been so focused lately on preparing for the arrival of our baby girl, that I almost forgot that I have to actually finish my doctoral degree really soon.

I'm still in college after 11 years.  I'm still in college after 11 years.  I'M STILL IN COLLEGE AFTER 11 YEARS!!

  (Sorry...  a little freak out moment there.)

I could have been a freaking brain surgeon by now, but after 11 years in college, I can't fix your brain, but I can sum up the past 2000 years in music history fairly quickly.

I'm a composer and music educator and I decided early on in my music studies, that I wanted to go all the way through and get all my degrees without pause.   Currently have a bachelors and masters degree in composition, while I'm about one year away from finishing my doctoral degree at Indiana University Jacobs School of Music.

After 200+ credit hours, 11 years, 400 papers, 2000+ years of music history, 526 concerts, the 243rd time of listening to Beethoven's 5th Symphony, and learning that all composers were crazy, you can pretty much see why I'm ready to get out of school and move on with my life.

Here's a pic of me doing what I do best.

Sorry... my stomach says that I might be better at eating than composing music, but I have to have something to show for these degrees.  I am guilty of that extra "sympathy weight" that most first time dads get.  Check out my story about that from an earlier blog.

So here's a pic of me doing my thing in the music world.  Well my back anyway...

Its really happening... and I love that feeling of not knowing what's gonna happen next.  I'm pretty sure that reading books, iPhone apps, and watching videos can't exactly prepare you enough for fatherhood.  The whirlwind didn't really hit me until yesterday, until I explained to someone on Facebook why I'm starting to freak out a little..

2011-2012 Checklist

1.  Start my new "first real job" at the end of Aug.  (Teaching 2 classes and private students)
2.  Take one more class to finish up my coursework
3.  Finish composing two 10min pieces of music for my final recital
4.  Find people that actually want to play my music for that recital
5.  Rehearse all that music
6.  Perform all that music
7.  Study for my two minor field exams
8.  Take those exams
9.  Study for oral exams
10.  Take oral exams
11.  Study for written exams
12.  Take written exams
13.  Start my dissertation
14.  Complete my dissertation
15.  Graduate

Oh... and have a baby too.  Sleep?  Haven't figured out where that fits in just yet.  

Just for your enjoyment, here's a pic of me tonight in our Bradley class trying to figure out the whole baby sling thing.

(The coolest thing about this picture is I kind of look like Captain America!!  Where's my shield!??)    

Thanks for checking out my blog and please comment below and give me any advice on how I can get through this next year!!!


Sunday, June 19, 2011

I hijacked your blog! :P

This is Tim's wife and baby incubator, Jennifer.

I went through a lot of hacker tricks to hijack this blog, no really, he was logged in and I added myself as an author, so I guess it was not as War Games of me as I first thought, but I digress...

The point of this "blog-jacking", is to wish my husband a Happy Father's Day.  We non-verbally decided not to give gifts for Mother's Day and Father's Day (or just were to lazy to do so) since our little one is not here yet, but I wanted him to find little nuggets of my appreciation throughout The Net today(another hacker movie reference, I think I have a problem).


Even though Harper is not here yet, you have surpassed my expectations with how amazing you have been. Your involvement, support, and excitement throughout this pregnancy have shown me how wonderful you will be to our children. I am proud that they will have you as a model of what a man, a husband, and a father should be.  I can't wait to see you see our baby for the first time, see you hold her, laugh with her, play with her, teach her and guide her throughout her life.  I know she will be raised with a since of self worth and hopefully one day find a man who can fill her daddy's shoes, because she deserves someone to be as wonderful to her as you are to me.


Okay, I have to stop the pregnancy hormones, with all the sweet mushy stuff are giving me the snots.  Also, since the theme song to Mission Impossible is playing in my head, I feel the need to hurry and post this before I am caught...

*Side note, we call each other Bawbaw.  This is a long and complicated evolution of the pet name baby.  You pronounce it as if your were Goat Boy from SNL saying baby....

Friday, June 17, 2011

Two Fats Guys and a Cuban Walk Into a Store... and I'm One of Them

...and I'm one of them.  This is not the beginning of a good joke, and I'm not the Cuban.

I've got man boobs now.  I had them before my wife was pregnant, but they were barely visible...  "a" cups maybe. (that's a "little a") If there is a man boob size chart, I would have been labeled the size before "A" cups, "little a" cups, maybe?

They were nice man boobs.  I wasn't embarrassed to take off my shirt during the men's volleyball game at the family reunion.  But now?  Now, I don't like what I see.  See for yourself.

I warned you that they were not pretty.  That side boob thing isn't lovely either unless you get turned on by side boobs.  Make sure you know who's side boob it is before you start panting though..

So, I've heard this whole "daddy is pregnant too" business and I don't really like it.  I can't sleep well.  That extra 20 pounds is really showing now.  My clothes don't fit anymore.  I have headaches more often than before.  My wedding ring is cutting off the circulation to my finger.  I'm tired and ready to go to bed by 9pm most nights.  I pee alot more.  My lower back pain hurts more now.  I'm bitchy and snap when I shouldn't...

What the Hell???  Pregnant women are beautiful creatures.  "Pregnant" guys are just plain UGLY.

Some people call this "Sympathy Weight".  Yeah, I guess so.  My wife is the wonderful, and has dealt with all the "normal" body changes during pregnancy amazingly well.  Husbands like bigger boobs!!  (aka Basketballs with pieces of bologna attached to them)

Ok, maybe not that big, but now you have that image stuck in your head, don't you?

Me on the other hand... I'm not dealing with it very well.  I want my perky pecs back, my wedding ring to fit again, and to be able to walk up stairs without asking for a moment after we reach the top.

I know.  I know...  New dads have to get used to waking up for feedings at 2am, not complaining because we can't watch a movie all the way through because the baby just started crying (although my 3 dogs always feel the need to pee at least 4 times in a 90 min movie.  So I'm pretty used to that by now), and not getting that new tripod you want for your camera because the baby room needs new lampshades... sorry bawbaw...  :)

I just want my old body back.  I can deal with the other things, because seeing my little baby girl's face for the first time, hearing her say "daddy" for the first time, seeing her smile for the first time, and seeing my wife become a mother for the first time, will make me forget pretty quickly about my overtly large man boobs.

**Just so know one gets offended, "Two Fats Guys and a Cuban" is what we call my 3 man crew at work.  We know we are fat, so no reason to hide it now.***


Monday, June 13, 2011

Yes. Your kid is a Zombie.

Charlie and Andy over at (one of the coolest dad blogs ever!) have come up with a spot on comparison to illustrate why your kid is, in fact, a Zombie.  Be sure to check out their blog for 2 funny dads blogging their way through fatherhood.

**This post applies to all parents of any age and smell.

Click the picture for a larger picture, and Charlie and Andy's original post.

 So let's break this down...

1. Sparse, Messy Head of Hair

Yep, this automatically qualifies every kid I've ever seen.  Except maybe Teresa Guidice's (Real Housewives of New Jersey) kids who all had hairdresser's waiting for them as soon as they popped out.

Here's her and her youngest daughter DIRECTLY after giving birth.  Literally... 3 seconds later.

2.  Incomplete Set of Teeth

You never see a kid with all their teeth.  Most are actually proud to show you their missing teeth.  Well, if this is the case, then, every nursing home I've been too is full of zombies.  (These people are someone's kids)

3.  Constant Oral Excretions

I've been to a few 2 year old's birthday parties.  I've been the picture taker, or the cake cutter, or the playground watcher (wait...  that sounds creepy) more than my fair share of times over the past few years.  The amount of slobber excreted during a 2 year old's birthday party (including Great-Grandpa and Grandma during their moments of narcolepsy) could lubricate the Slip-n-Slide enough for the parents to actually have some fun too.

4.  Speaks in Moans and Screams

My In-Laws have told me stories about the moans my wife made when she slept or ate.  This trait is still around today.  This is what she sounds like most nights.

5.  Sharp, Dirt-Caked Nail and "Funk of 40,000 years" Aroma

I love dirt.  I loved it when I was a kid and I still love it.  Mud pies were a staple around our house on a Sunday afternoon.  If you didn't come home from playing outside without dirt under your nails and all over your clothes, you were not a kid.  My wife loves dirt too.  Apparently she ate it all the time when she was a kid, from what she tells me.  What kid doesn't love dirt?

Many kids hate baths.  They give you hell about them to the point that you say "Forget it!  We will do this tomorrow."  You send them off to bed, they get up the next day, make a few more of those mud pies, walk around the playground in a soiled diaper for a few hours, and bath time rolls around again, and... the same Hell-raiser begins screaming again.  That's where that "40,000 years of funk" smell comes from parents.

Ok, so maybe your not one of "those" parents, but you know they exist...

That funky smell sticks around for some people all their lives too, and we just can't help but notice it.

6.  Insatiable, Aggressive Appetite

Going back to that birthday party...  How many times do you hear a kid wine and moan because they are never satisfied with the icing on the cake, or they wanted chocolate cake when you bought white?  They want that white cake so bad, that they scream to the top of their lungs so loud, that every non-parent in the room (usually just my wife and I) wants to scream too because they won't shut up about it.

Just eat the freakin cake kid!!!!

7.  Worn, Ill-fitting Clothes, Clumsy, Random Motor Skills, and Unstable, Lurching Walk

All of our parents and grandparents are zombies.  And that homeless guy on the corner.  He's a zombie too.

Yes.  Your kid is a zombie.  The zombie apocalypse is coming, whether you believe it or not.  You gave birth to a zombie, you help create a zombie, and well..  you are a zombie, I'm a zombie too.

It's ok.  We can't help it.  Just think how awesome it is to scare the crap out of people just by looking at them.  Hey we even inspired the greatest music video of all time.  (That would be Michael Jackson's "Thriller" for you Dad)  Here it is just to pay my homage to a childhood idol.